Naughty Paris

It’s April in Paris – just like the song! – and darlings, if you want to smell the naughtiness in the air, the City of Light is the best place to be when spring has sprung. The men just…er…rise to the occasion. (They’re French, my dears, so it really doesn’t take much to get them excited, but when the days get longer and the girls’ skirts get shorter, things really start to sizzle.)

And I’m just so sick of spending too many of my days in doors…aren’t vous? Well, April is the time to awaken your hibernating naughtiness, and start painting the town red. Sounds like fun, nest-ce pas?

Be good when you’re being naughty,
— Bubbles

Taurus (Taureau): April 20-May 20
You’re a determined lady, my bullheaded bombshell, and now’s the time to channel all of that determination into letting loose. Step out of those sensible hush puppies and into a pair of stilettos…I see a couple of saucy soirées in your near future.

Gemini (Gémeaux): May 21-June 21
Ooh, how you twins like to weave a tangled web with your torrid, taboo trysts! I say go for it, darlings, if you’re feeling a little naughty. This is the city for cinq à sept, after all. Just remember to exercise a little discretion, you bad, double-sided, girl you: you don’t want to end up living life like a French film.

Cancer (Cancer): June 22-July 22
My little sentimental Sally, it’s time to plan a sentimental journey. I hear that Nice is nice in June…why don’t you start shopping around for a weekend getaway to start your summer off right? Just because you may have to travel econo-class doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go, my pet. Besides, I happen to know that Nice is just busting with sugar daddies…and some of them are pretty naughty. Ever fantasized about accepting expensive lingerie from an older man? I thought you had. Now, shoo – you have to call your travel agent.

Leo (Lion): July 23-August 22
RRRRrrrrrroooww!!!! I don’t have to tell you lusty lionesses how to find your inner naughty girl. Just go easy on the boys, girls…you know they can never keep up with us. Thank the heavens – and all of those handsome doctors! – for modern medicine. Because with you Lady Leos, they’re going to need it.


Virgo (Vierge): August 23-September 22
So in tune with nature, you are, my nurturing little earth mother. You can just feel how that lusty spring energy is affecting everyone, can’t you? But you must remember to take care of yourself rather than everyone else – a girl’s got needs, after all. Don’t worry, it’s not that hard…not if you’re wearing the right outfit. Ditch that needy girlfriend for just once in your life – she’ll get over it – and take him up on his invitation to the opera. You’d be amazed at how powerful an aphrodisiac “La Traviata” can be.


Libra (Balance): September 23-October 22
What’s naughtiest about you is that you look like such a good girl on the outside! But honey, I know that you’re much kinkier than you may appear. Work with that, darling…men eat it up. Why do you think they all have fantasies about librarians?

Scorpio (Scorpion): October 23-November 21
You just need to be remembered, don’t you, darling? Don’t worry: they never forget you. Just be careful that you don’t scar the poor ducklings in the process of being so memorable – well, at least take care that the scratches you leave can heal.

Sagittarius (Sagittaire): November 22-December 21
You know, I think that all of the others could learn a thing or two from you, dear Sagittarius. I don’t have to tell you to live life to the fullest! I just hope you share all of your dirty little stories with me first, my pet. After all, you are such an inspiration!

Capricorn (Capricorne): December 22-January 19
Coco Chanel would have loved you, ma chérie. You’re such a classy, sassy gal. That’s why I rarely worry about you: I know that when you’re naughty, you’re always behaving badly in the most sophisticated of locales. One never worries what the neighbors are thinking when it comes to you.

Aquarius (Verseau): January 20-February 18
You’re such a tease, darling Aquarius! You just love to start trouble, and then run away, don’t you? Naughty girl with a Cinderella complex! Just be careful, my dear. Coquettishness is one thing…breaking hearts is quite another.

Pisces (Poissons): February 19-March 20
You diva, you! Demanding – rather than asking – for all of that male attention! Hoorah, I say! You deserve it. My question is: who gets to be the prince of the hour this month?

Aries (Bélier): March 21-April 19
If you were a man, I would call you a dog. But puppy, I just can’t bring myself to do it in your case. I’ll just say that you’re a lady who likes to keep her options open. A regular juggling act, one might say. You must tell me your secret…I’m so jealous!