Naughty Paris

Dita von Teese's burlesque show at the Crazy Horse cabaret was a huge success. She performed the "taking a bath" show immortalized by one of the earliest Crazy Horse retro stars, Lili St-Cyr. It certainly answered the persistent question of visitors in France: "Why doesn't the hand-held shower head attach to the wall?"

Thanks to Gentry Lane of Gentry de Paris lingerie for sending me this fabu photo of her (and her lucky lawyer, Sébastien Bono) with Dita on the final evening of the show.

Sometime after midnight in May, New York.

I suppose it makes more sense to leave a little message before sneaking off to New York for a week, but we were so busy packing and running errands and getting some last minute articles done that we barely made it to the airport on time, let alone with enough breathing space to....well, breathe!

Not at ALL helped by the additional security check we had to endure thanks to a certain Canadienne getting all jittery during the customary grilling that all non-US citizens are subjected to before entering our fine country. Good thing she brought the Frenchman along to keep spirits up during the nail-biting delay. They sat behind me during the flight, giggling as they read the questions on the form they had to fill out for customs ("Are you a spy?", "Are you a nazi?", and "Are you planning on commiting terrorist acts against the US?" were some of the questions, with little "yes" and "no" boxes to check).

The Frenchman's first NY taxi ride.

So during our stay in the Big Apple we ate at two Thai, one Japanese, and one Chinese restaurant. And drinks at a fine French-Vietnamese establishment. The Frenchman ate enough hotdogs to keep America's street vendor economy booming. Between us we purchased six pairs of shoes (gotta love the weak dollar!), and three umbrellas -- because we kept leaving the ones we had at the apartment. We bought several maps, but never really figured out how everyone knows which subway platform to stand on. Vive la métro!

We finally got to meet our agent, Rebecca Freidman, in person. She took us for drinks at the lovely Pegu Club (those ginger cocktails are sooooooo yummy!), then let us wander around the Sterling Lord HQ, ogling the 12th floor views over the city as a huge storm moved in. Rebecca also noticed us drooling over the stacks of books in English (when you live in Paris, these are rare and expensive), and let us take home as many as we could carry. My suitcase made it to the taxi stand in Paris before falling apart under the weight.

Agent Friedman, trying to hide from the camera (those glass walls don't help, chérie!)

So, being in a real live literary agency for the first time, I had to ask her if there really was a slush pile. Not only does it exist, it really is a pile...see your manuscript in there?!

We had a little Happy Hour soirée for friends and clients at the appropriately-themed Madame X bar, all red velour, dimmed lamps, and $5 cocktails, woo hoo! But best of all, we even got to experience a little taste of the Naughty New York nightlife by attending one of Mademoiselle Palagia's One Leg Up parties. Stay tuned for Carolyn's play-by-play of the evening. ;)

It’s April in Paris – just like the song! – and darlings, if you want to smell the naughtiness in the air, the City of Light is the best place to be when spring has sprung. The men just…er…rise to the occasion. (They’re French, my dears, so it really doesn’t take much to get them excited, but when the days get longer and the girls’ skirts get shorter, things really start to sizzle.)

And I’m just so sick of spending too many of my days in doors…aren’t vous? Well, April is the time to awaken your hibernating naughtiness, and start painting the town red. Sounds like fun, nest-ce pas?

Be good when you’re being naughty,
— Bubbles

Taurus (Taureau): April 20-May 20
You’re a determined lady, my bullheaded bombshell, and now’s the time to channel all of that determination into letting loose. Step out of those sensible hush puppies and into a pair of stilettos…I see a couple of saucy soirées in your near future.

Gemini (Gémeaux): May 21-June 21
Ooh, how you twins like to weave a tangled web with your torrid, taboo trysts! I say go for it, darlings, if you’re feeling a little naughty. This is the city for cinq à sept, after all. Just remember to exercise a little discretion, you bad, double-sided, girl you: you don’t want to end up living life like a French film.

Cancer (Cancer): June 22-July 22
My little sentimental Sally, it’s time to plan a sentimental journey. I hear that Nice is nice in June…why don’t you start shopping around for a weekend getaway to start your summer off right? Just because you may have to travel econo-class doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go, my pet. Besides, I happen to know that Nice is just busting with sugar daddies…and some of them are pretty naughty. Ever fantasized about accepting expensive lingerie from an older man? I thought you had. Now, shoo – you have to call your travel agent.

Leo (Lion): July 23-August 22
RRRRrrrrrroooww!!!! I don’t have to tell you lusty lionesses how to find your inner naughty girl. Just go easy on the boys, girls…you know they can never keep up with us. Thank the heavens – and all of those handsome doctors! – for modern medicine. Because with you Lady Leos, they’re going to need it.


Virgo (Vierge): August 23-September 22
So in tune with nature, you are, my nurturing little earth mother. You can just feel how that lusty spring energy is affecting everyone, can’t you? But you must remember to take care of yourself rather than everyone else – a girl’s got needs, after all. Don’t worry, it’s not that hard…not if you’re wearing the right outfit. Ditch that needy girlfriend for just once in your life – she’ll get over it – and take him up on his invitation to the opera. You’d be amazed at how powerful an aphrodisiac “La Traviata” can be.


Libra (Balance): September 23-October 22
What’s naughtiest about you is that you look like such a good girl on the outside! But honey, I know that you’re much kinkier than you may appear. Work with that, darling…men eat it up. Why do you think they all have fantasies about librarians?

Scorpio (Scorpion): October 23-November 21
You just need to be remembered, don’t you, darling? Don’t worry: they never forget you. Just be careful that you don’t scar the poor ducklings in the process of being so memorable – well, at least take care that the scratches you leave can heal.

Sagittarius (Sagittaire): November 22-December 21
You know, I think that all of the others could learn a thing or two from you, dear Sagittarius. I don’t have to tell you to live life to the fullest! I just hope you share all of your dirty little stories with me first, my pet. After all, you are such an inspiration!

Capricorn (Capricorne): December 22-January 19
Coco Chanel would have loved you, ma chérie. You’re such a classy, sassy gal. That’s why I rarely worry about you: I know that when you’re naughty, you’re always behaving badly in the most sophisticated of locales. One never worries what the neighbors are thinking when it comes to you.

Aquarius (Verseau): January 20-February 18
You’re such a tease, darling Aquarius! You just love to start trouble, and then run away, don’t you? Naughty girl with a Cinderella complex! Just be careful, my dear. Coquettishness is one thing…breaking hearts is quite another.

Pisces (Poissons): February 19-March 20
You diva, you! Demanding – rather than asking – for all of that male attention! Hoorah, I say! You deserve it. My question is: who gets to be the prince of the hour this month?

Aries (Bélier): March 21-April 19
If you were a man, I would call you a dog. But puppy, I just can’t bring myself to do it in your case. I’ll just say that you’re a lady who likes to keep her options open. A regular juggling act, one might say. You must tell me your secret…I’m so jealous!

Miss Carolyn and I went out for a girly night on Wednesday near Place de la Madeleine. Unfortunately Le Passage Bar (part of Senderens Restaurant) was closed for a private event, so we went to to the "Le 30" Bar of Le Faubourg Hotel across the street from the Buddha Bar (with a long detour into the the sexy new Eclaireur boutique next door).

"Le 30" is a typical luxury hotel bar, low lit, big sofas in front of the fireplace (a roaring fire was going when we arrived), live pianist, decent drink list, quiet and not too smoky.

At the Park Hyatt Vendôme

Then we hopped over towards Place Vendôme to the Park Hyatt Vendôme's Pur'Grill Bar. This particular Hyatt is very sexy, all smooth limestone and dark statues, contemporary art, fireplaces open on both ends...the bar is nice and dark compared to the lobby, with black plush carpet and a low ceiling, upholstered armchair stools at the bar. A nice, discreet place where you can have a private conversation -- and actually be able to hear each other without anyone else hearing you! And you gotta love the statues...

Well if the Religious Right and their Christian Coalition didn't have enough reasons to hate France (and good thing, too; we don't want them here), the Paris Tourism Office has given them another. Check out their guide to Naughty Paris: http://en.parisinfo.com/show_exhibition/rub6098.html

This is why Carolyn and I have written our own Naughty Paris Guide. Their's sucks. Aside from two or three decent places, they're mostly the same garbage you find listed in Pariscope (which are also paid for, BTW). And they started to mention the libertine clubs in the intro but then got all coincé and failed to list any. Hmph!

Good Girls to the rescue! We'll get this all sorted out in no time. ;)
Heather

Lady Carolyn celebrated her 25th birthday (again) last week. Practice makes perfect, I always say! A pile of us gathered at a new bar/resto in the 19th near Belleville called Le Ventre de l'Architecte (Rue Burnouf) about two hours before the lady in question decided to make her grand entrance. Note to the girls: getting one's hair done is always an excellent excuse for being late -- especially since it gives everyone the chance to immediately compliment your new 'do.

One of the ladies gave her this sexy little bit o'lingerie, which Carolyn's gallant homme is expertly fastening on for her in the photo. Note to the guys: Doing this helps you get a good look right away so you won't have to fumble around in the dark later!

PS: None of the other gifts could be shown on this blog -- her dad might be reading!